I posted this on April 17 in my personal blog and then realized it was more appropriate for this blog. Enjoy. If you can.
I admit to enjoying the absurd. While weeding through the 641.6's today (cookery-meats), I came across a book that tickled my sense of absurd wonder - "Variety Meats." On the cover of this book is a potroast-shaped piece of meat with a honeycomb texture. I couldn't think of any type of meat that had that look about it and thought maybe "Variety" meant a weird type of animal. Maybe yak.
It was not yak. Nor was it any other type of game meat. It was regular old cows, pigs, etc. A stomach, specifically. Tripe. The recipes in this book were not your average ones. They had a twist! It turns out that "Variety Meats" include parts of the animal we don't usually eat - brains, tongue, head, heart, etc. Hmm... I learned something new today. Although I am a meat eater and see nothing wrong with eating meat, my stomach turns queasy at the thought of eating *these* meats. You see, there are pictures in this book and the captions read like a serial-killer's to-do list:
Peeling Liver
Coring Kidney
Trimming Heart
Skinning Poultry Feet
Cleaning Stomach
Cleaning Pig's Tail (you can EAT that?)
Peeling Brains, Sweetbreads or Fries (not the kind you get To Go)
Boning a calf's, pig's or lamb's foot
Trimming spleen
Cleaning chitterlings (I had to do a define: chitterlings on Google. They are the small intestines of an animal. Sometimes called 'chitlins' in vernacular.)
Cleaning and Parboiling Pig's Ears
Poaching Tongue
Hmm... The rational part of me knows that millions of people throughout the world eat this and think it's perfectly normal. The childish part of me wanted to run screaming "ICK!" [
note: a few days later I was speaking with the Little Old Ladies from the Friends group and they told me stories of their favorite foods when they were little - hearts and livers were at the tops of their lists...] I read through lots of the directions and my stomach turned. I ran around the library and forced my staff to listen to my descriptions. I wonder if I was creating a hostile work environment. Their fault: I didn't ask to be in charge.
I don't think I'd mind trying any of these things. It's always fun to try things once. Still, I'm not sure I'd like to know what I'm trying before I actually swallow it.
The above captions were only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I don't think the publisher thought about how many of these captions would look to the uneducated person. Especially someone with a keen sense for the perceived ridiculous.
Chicken Livers in a Film of Butter (a FILM? Eew!)
Skewering Kidneys on Rosemary Branches (ouch)
Brain Croquettes in a Lacy Cloak of Caul (caul is the lining of the heart - looks like white lace) (the picture accompanying this shows the brains being mashed in a sieve like tuna)
An Elegant Presentation of Pig's Ears (it's quite an elaborate affair- 10 steps!)
Glazed Pig's Stomachs Encasing Meat and Potatoes (sewing is involved - a food craft)
Enrichments for Mild-flavored Brains (many things came to mind for this)
Velvety Sauces for Gelatinous Meats
Forming the Head into a Compact Roll (more sewing! And you stuff it through the mouth)
Pig's Feet in a Shimmering (!) Aspic
A Decorative Molding for Tongue (it's encased in a meat-flavored jello-type concoction)
Hearty Support for Tongues (was that a joke?)
I weeded the book and am going to keep it in my office for private smiles.
